Time is quite literally relative. It’s a funny thing, something that easily stresses me out. I could give you loads of equations on time, how it affects other variables. Ultimately, we all have the same number of minutes and hours in the day.
Writing this all down is a step for me. I was driving to visit family last week and was really taking in the amazing sunset when a lot of this dawned on me. Of late, I have not been getting as anxious or stressed out in regards to time.
As it goes, I am pretty flexible to an extent. If for example, my Mum was to say at some point today we will go do x or y. I would be fine with it. If she changed it to tomorrow, I would also be fine with it. Yet if I have said to myself I am going to run x miles, or go to the gym and I don’t. I freak out. Call myself names, mentally beat myself up. To the point that I am in a state of panic and unable to do whatever it was. A lot of the time it’s around exercise. I have a very fine line with exercise, all to often I overexercise. Last week, I had said to my parents I wanted to run. Plans changed, we ended up out for a family walk. Then I got absorbed into a book and the day flew by. I could have run at 9/10pm when I finished the book, but I allowed myself to not. I for once did not stress out over time.
Essentially, I am flexible with regards to other peoples times and their commitments. I just don’t give myself the same generosity. Going forward I will, life happens, things change, time ticks on.
Speaking of ticking, the dreaded alarm. Confession, in the last year I have set an alarm every day except one. Yes really. I hated it. I have this fear of waking up passed 10am and feeling like I have wasted the day. When in reality, pre 10am, at most at the weekends, I’ll have made breakfast, drank coffee, read some of my book and gone for a run. Nothing worth stressing over. This is something I am not sure I’ll ever change. I sort of live by the alarm, even if it goes off at 8:30am, and I then snooze for an hour. Which is terrible.
24 hours in a day. We all choose what we do with it. Apart from the generic work hours, I also choose to go the gym or run. I have also chosen to start a college class that runs till 9.30. So this is me saying enough of me complaining about how busy I am. Or how I can have 4 “school” nights in a row, with something in it each night. It’s all my choice. And relatively – it’s nothing. I could be more organised in doing meal prep, I could spend less time on social media when I do get home.
Ironically, my newest hobby is all about time. Running is again a numbers game. Some days I love it. I can easily go out and run 10km whilst keeping all my miles under 8 minutes. The next day, I can struggle to get anywhere near the 8 minute mark. Sometimes midway through a run, I can tell that I am not trying properly, I am just going through the motions of running. One foot in front of another. On occasion I can push myself to work that bit harder, and break out of my comfort zone and train. Other times, I almost want a slow run, as a way of running away from everything.
This year I am going to be more conscious of my time. Give myself Sunday evenings to myself, to take part in Self Care Sunday. Do my meal prep for the week, clean my flat, organise my time for the week.
Time and tide wait for no man.