You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
When the road looks rough ahead
And you’re miles and miles from your nice warm bed
You just remember what your old pal said
Boy, you’ve got a friend in me
Yeah, you’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me, quite simply one of my favourite songs from my favourite film, Toy Story. Since starting therapy in January, I have been working through self compassion, mindfulness and acceptance therapy. It’s been tough, with plenty of tears, uncomfortable feelings, intrusive thoughts and pages and pages of notes and scribbles. My biggest take-away? Learning to be friends with myself. Yes, really. Being my own friend. It sounds cliche but hear me out.
Obviously, with lockdown and living by myself, I have had to get used to my own company. I’ve not just been able to meet up with someone (video calls are great), but I’ve really had to sit with my feelings and learn to be a friend to myself. I like to think I am a good friend to others, always acting compassionately and trying to give them advice and help. So I am reflecting this back on me. Instead of beating myself up emotionally for not going for a run, I am saying what I would say to a friend. Hey, it’s ok you didn’t run, you did yoga this morning or you worked late.
Viewing myself as a friend hasn’t been the easiest, nor has it happened overnight. It can seem silly, but actively speaking to myself as a friend has helped. Literally saying out loud or on paper, Fie it will be fine, you are doing well has helped.
Another example, my recent birthday. I was initially incredibly anxious about the prospect of a birthday alone. Queue the tears and a breakdown a few nights before. So I decided to just throw myself a birthday, like I would have for a friend. So that meant, a face full of makeup and bubbles by midday. Then drinks with the girls in the afternoon and a 2 hour catch-up. Followed by takeout from one of my favourite restaurants, Six by Nico. I got dressed up to the nines, with my favourite shoes and a new dress. It felt a bit silly, but it’s how I would have treated a friend. In the least vain way, I deserved a good birthday. Was it tough? Yes. Was it fun? Yes. Will I always remember it? Yes.
Other-ways I am treating myself as a friend, having that sundowner drink on a Friday and Saturday night. Enjoying the process of making a cocktail and sitting with music on for an hour or so and just enjoying the view of the Clyde, the fairy lights and my own company. Whether I am reading a book or journalling.
Becoming my own friend has not necessarily cured my anxious thoughts or feelings, but more than anything it has helped me become more compassionate towards myself. I am my own worst enemy and biggest critic, essentially a school bully, to myself! Which is crazy and results in me spiralling. So here’s to remembering, Fie, you’ve got a friend in me.